Twenty-Two pieces of advice for a new wife

I’ve been married to an amazing man for over six years now. Six years doesn’t compare to Thirty, but I still know more about marriage today than I did 6 years ago. Every marriage is different and unique. All husbands are not alike either but there is a common thread that permeates through every good marriage, patience.  You may not be able to relate to every piece of advice I have listed here, but my desire is to equip you with enough knowledge to weather the storms that are sure to come and be able to bathe in the sunlight of marital success without a care in the world.  Congratulations on your new role as a wife. I hope these pieces of wisdom will touch the heart of your marriage and bless your soul.

Here’s what I’ve learned over the past six years…………….

1.      It won’t be nothing like you imagined, so wipe your marriage board clean and let expectations go.

2.      You two will grow, evolve, and change but this doesn’t have to mean you must grow apart. Respect and compromise will get you a long way.

3.       Share your thoughts but don’t nag or repeat yourself repeatedly. Say it once, drop it and get quiet.

4.      Pray for him. Pray for him. Pray for him. I cannot say this enough. You would be surprised how much he faces on a day to day basis, internally and externally.

5.      You need good girlfriends, some like-minded queens in your corner.  These are women who will support your marriage and individuality.

6.      However, no one compares to a strong connection with God.

7.      Make sure to give yourself 30 minutes of selfcare in the morning or afternoon. This will be especially important once children enter the mix. Do whatever relaxes you… (hot bath, mediation, a glass of wine, etc.)

8.      Yes, premarital counseling is a great start, but I believe this should be an ongoing process for the next two years of marriage. (once a month is perfect)

9.      Schedule a date night once a week.

10.   Take up pole-dancing lessons. I promise you won’t regret it. Or just buy a hula hoop, anything to stimulate your feminine energy at all times.

11.   You don’t have to win every argument.

12.   You will learn more about who you truly are more than ever. Your husband will be a mirror to show you your good, bad and ugly. Don’t worry, just take note and grow. Don’t beat yourself up.

13.   When your husband is frustrated, give him time to cool off but make sure to finish the discussion. Always seek to understand each other.

14.   Pack his lunch and leave a special note for him.

15.   You’re a team. If you need help, tell him. You can do it alone, but now you don’t “have” to.

16.    Work on your insecurities. He chose you. You are enough. Confidence is sexy.

17.   However, this is not a free to be lazy, take me as I am card. Work out, take up a new hobby, go back to school. Not for him but for you!

18.   Marriage may mean a smaller, more isolated island and that’s ok. Too many outside forces can taint a good marriage.

19.   This is your husband and you chose him for a reason. Don’t allow anyone to make you see your husband in a different light because he’s not living up to “their” expectations. At the end of the day, as long as he’s doing his duties as a good husband at the end of the day that’s all that matters. He’s a human being not a robot.

20.   GOLDEN ROD LOVING 101: Become his head doctor. Yep, you heard me right! I understand everyone may not be comfortable providing oral pleasure to their man but your missing out on a game changer. Change how you view the act of orally pleasing your man and enjoy it! I mean “really’ enjoy it.  A man receives his confidence to face the world through this visual act of submission. Plus, the benefits for you will be priceless. Get your “head game” right and life will be a breeze. Yes, happy wife, happy life but this is the missing key….

21.   Always seal the night with a prayer.

22.   Make sure you compliment him. Compliment him to others, to the children, to your friends and family in earshot of him. Everyone wants to feel valued and respected. Especially your man.

Some of these tips may seem simple, but I promise you, After you’ve have a few kids, start working long hours and  “life” in general happens, you must make a conscious effort to make your marriage work, last, and thrive.

Did I miss anything?

Comment down below….

Angie B signing out!!

It's a waste of time and energy trying to get others to understand you….

Never waste your time or energy trying to get others to understand you.
 No matter what you do, some people are just not going to like you.
 It has nothing to do with you. 
Unless you’re an inconsiderate, narcissistic individual…  
Some people are having internal wars within themselves. 
Their perceptions of reality are distorted.
 They will internalize your actions and process its meaning from their own filter. 
More times than not, these filters are blurred by the illusions of their own personal restraints. 
It is a losing battle you must bow out of immediately or you lose yourself while trying to make them understand you.

This is especially relevant to religious beliefs. 
Everyone believes their religion is the right religion and bump all others. 
Instead of seeking to understand the common theme all religions share- belief in a higher power (GOD) and the call to higher consciousness. 
We judge, criticize and downgrade all other religions that do not resemble our own. Therefore, we remain divided, perpetually psychologically and spiritually conquered. 
We continue to commit ourselves to a dialogue of misunderstanding each other instead of finding commonalities and cohesion.
 I said all this to say, we must not lose ourselves trying to be understood by individuals who may not even know who they are, in order to acknowledge your value and existence one must first know who they are in the world of pretenders. 
Continue to be true to you and live authentically unapologetic-ally. This is my pledge to you,

Angie B Love

Seeds of Life: The life Line of your marriage

 A man plants his seeds in the womb of his woman and from there, life is formed. She is now carrying this life with her everywhere she goes.  Now connected through the life line we call the umbilical cord. She is one with her son/ daughter for the next nine months. Her life must change. She must watch the foods she eats, the places she frequents, and the amount of daily stress she undergoes.

I would like to take this same aspect and apply it to the dreams and desires of your mate.  Women at this point I am talking to you. Men, you may keep reading if you please. A man plants seeds of life in the womb of his woman in a spiritual sense as well. She then takes these seeds and nurture them with love, support, and encouragement. She grows his dreams, his aspirations, his goals for his life in her (Spiritual) womb. She gives birth to his entrepreneurial spirit, his drive, his mission, and his purpose. She brings forth his purpose into the world by bringing all to God and allowing him to be the substance to sustain and nourish him (God i.e. embryonic fluid) while she works and molds him into the man of power he is designed to be. She is not mean-spirit or harsh with criticism and judgment. This is not meant for his ears but Gods. I’m not saying to not tell him when he is doing wrong but do it in love. Voice his weaknesses to God, he is the only one who can fit it. When a woman is mean, quick-tempered, and critical, she is not creating a suitable environment for her mate to grow. She is stunting his growth, as a man and an individual.  Just as it would harm a baby in the womb and if the child is continuously malnourished, there will be health problems and complications.  When you help your husband, you are helping yourself. You do not have to lose yourself or place your dreams on the back burner.  However, just keep in mind that this is your husband, your marriage, and your life. You are creating the type of life you want to live based off the energy you put in building your husband up and seeing that his vision for your family  is a reality. However this may look for your marriage, the vision of elevation is the core theme. This is serious business folks.  Women are so focused on how they can get to the top of the professional ladder so much so, that their leaving their husbands behind financially and emotionally. Which in turns makes them feel useless. This is just my opinion. Nothing more, nothing less. I know I will have some who will disagree. Nonetheless, if your man is not doing what you think he should let me ask you something, how have you nourished the seeds he’s placed in your womb? Are you supporting him (nourishment) praying for his clarity (embryonic fluid  i.e.GOD) making your prenatal visits (Being his #1 cheerleader) Or have they become still born at this point? Have you killed his dreams? Women it is true, we can make or break a man with our words, break him down so much so to the point of no return.   How do you feel about this ?

Let’s talk in the comments section….

Angie B love

Be a wife, not a knife

I do not blame any of the women in my life for showing me what strength looks like… These amazing women taught me independence and resilience. There was a high value placed on a quality education and obtaining a good job and rightly so. The male presence was so unpredictable and turbulent. Mothers and aunties were making sure you do all you can, to be okay with or without a man. This was all fine and dandy until I found a man worth keeping. I’m talking about long term, put a ring on it, be my wife kind of life. All the while, these are the thoughts playing in the back of my mind, “you don’t need a man, I can do this without him, one more argument and I’m gone! I had zero tolerance for some of the minute things.



I am woman here me ROar!!!! However, my husband was shrinking further and further away from this strong black woman, who professed not to need him or any man for that matter. So contradictory of it all.



Let’s back up a minute. Many women who grew up in single parent homes, divorced homes, or raised by neither parent at all have created an automatic protective mechanism. Black women had to present a hard exterior and almost take on the roles of a man and woman. She is the disciplinarian, the nurturer, the breadwinner and head of the household. Sometimes with the male being present in the home, the woman still seemed to run the house to the point of running him away. Before the age of OBAMA, men were perceived as non-existent in the household and irresponsible. The government played daddy in many households. Therefore, women were either forced and sometimes by choice to become single mothers. Many of these women rested on the backbone of governmental assistance to get by. I want to take it a bit further to 1712, The Willie Lynch Letter (Some say it was not real, nonetheless it seems relevant in explaining the generational Traumatic experience held in our DNA)



“We breed two n­­­____males with two n___ females. Then we take the n__ males from them and keep them moving and working. Say the one ni___ female bear a n___ female and the other bears a n___ male. Both n___ females, being without the influence of the n___ image, frozen with independent psychology, will raise their offspring in reverse positions. The one with the female offspring will teach her to be like herself, independent and negotiable. The one with the n___male offspring, she being frozen with a subconscious fear for his life, will raise him to be mentally dependent and weak, but physically strong.” (Hassan-EL, 1990.p19) The Negro Marriage Unit



The female-male relationship has been distorted and manipulated for a very long time. Black women are so independent and strong; their men have to check twice for their man card. I’m not saying black women must be weak, but there is a secret to this marriage and submit notion that is so widely detested. (Submit is not as negative as you may think if your married to the right man) Majority of people are neglecting to acknowledge or accept the real meaning of submit in relation to marriage these days. I have just discovered “some” of these myself, and maybe you already knew but I want to share with you what I have learned.








Be quiet sometimes and listen. I mean truly listen to what your mate is saying. Sometimes we as women have to be heard and have the last word. Not so, let him get his thoughts out. Your answer to your question may be around the corner but you bulldozed through his response and now he doesn’t want to talk anymore. At this point there is a problem.


Men are just as sensitive as women. Please don’t let the muscles and those sexy lips fool you. Make sure to say whatever you have to say in love. Especially if its criticism. Be mindful of your tone and facial expressions. Women are so used to saying whatever comes to mind in an emotional tantrum,only to seal it with an “I’m sorry” later.


Sometimes men don’t care about whether or not the house is clean or if dinner is cooked on time. Sometimes he just wants some quick loving. If he comes up behind you and grabs you with a slap!! Cut the stove off or drop the laundry and pick it up later. He may be so satisfied that he may finish the food or fold the laundry for you….


Stop being so controlling. Allow him to lead. If he is truly leading correctly, he will consult with you before he makes a move anyway. Don’t worry…. Rest in Jesus and allow your man to be a man.


Develop a Team Mentality: You don’t have to announce how much you get paid, your latest promotion, the new model car you’re driving, if you can change your own flat tire… I’m not saying not to be proud of your accomplishments, but what I am saying is that men are providers and problem solvers at heart. He wants to be the reason you smile. He wants to give you your heart’s desire or at least have a hand in it. Turn the “I” into “Us” or you’ll begin to strip his manhood away by demonstrating to him, you don’t need him.


Be supportive. Supportive looks different depending on the man you’re with so ask him what he considers support. My husband is determined to work out every night. He was extremely tired one night but was adamant about working out. So, I stayed up one night to motivate him and push him through each set. I was sleepy yes! But he expressed so much “appreciation” the next morning for my support.


Show him you appreciate him. I don’t care if he changes the light bulb, unclogged the sink, and/or washed the car. This may seem like normal things to you, but these are acts of service and are major gestures of love to him.



Please understand, it’s okay to say you need a man in your life. This does not make you weak or vulnerable. It does not take away from your strength. If you have a good man, love on that man. More specifically, rest in your feminity and give your man back some of the masculinity in the relationship. Use the remaining masculine energy for the work world. Rest in your role as a woman and he will be the man you need. He has no choice; you’ve called out the king in him.



I also recommend finding out your mates love language as well here www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/





Angie B Love

Side-chick epidemic: Coming to a relationship near you!!

Why are you so happy being the other woman?

Why are you satisfied with second best?

 Why are you so content with a “piece” of a man, lying to you and giving you the scraps of his time?

Are you that desperate disguised in “I’m just doing me! He’s the one married to her, not me!

You act as if you’re doing something so spectacular, but honey he comes home to the wife every night.  But he tells you how unhappy is and he’s going to leave as soon as the time is right! I bet!

  You’re a toy, a “fun thang,” a receptacle for him to release his frustrations (crap) on.  A human toilet. Yes, that is what you are.   He has no real commitment to you. He did not wife you, he married her. She knows the “real” him. You know “of “him. The person he “tells” you he is, but you don’t “know” him.  Of course he’s perfect with you. He can ignore his responsibilities, his bills, his problems. You are his escape from everyday life. You’re not asking him to fix a bottle for a crying baby at 3AM or asking about a $300 water bill because of leaking pipes. That’s why it easy for him to talk to you, easy to lay in bed next to you, easy easy, easy. You get that your “easy”…..?

 Let me break this down for you a a minute…. 

When he looks into his wife’s eyes, he sees a reflection of himself, good or bad. Only he knows if he has been a good husband and/or father. He wants to please her, make her happy, and live up to the standard of her desires. If he does not feel he has done so, he will feel like less of a man in his wife’s eyes. In her presence he will feel like a loser. Every man wants to win and if he is not winning financially or emotionally in the home, he will feel worthless. You, my dear allow him to gain a false sense of winning.  He is able to check out of reality. You do not speak to the man in him, but the boy in him. The wife is calling out the king in him. If he’s not ready he will take the “easy “way out and that is “you” my dear. Why are you so satisfied with being “easy”? Is it because of self-esteem issues? Daddy issues? Typical?!... I don’t know but seek counsel. You have a real issue here!

If nothing else, think about your future married self. Would you want another woman to step in because you had a bad day? Do you want to constantly live on edge, fearful that your husband is cheating on you because your body is not the same anymore after giving birth or an argument with your husband got a little heated and now he’s on the sofa?

Oh sweet heart, listen to me closely. There are women like you being born every day who will attack the very fabric of your marriage just as you have done.

You’re proud to be a side chick huh?

 Well let’s see how proud you’ll be when the tables turn…

What are your thoughts? 

Angie B Love

Product Review ****The Relaxed Hippie*****

It’s hard to find affordable, all natural products these days. This is why I appreciate the authenticity and nature-centered products provided by Amber Hyde. She has a number of products to accommodate your daily needs and your relaxation desires… I had the wonderful opportunity to try some of her products. I ordered the Essentials Sample pack for the affordable price of $7.50.

Here are a list of the products I have tested and my honest opinion of them all…

-Coconut Almond Moisture Bar

-Oatmeal Milk bath 

-Sea Soak Sweet Almond Infused lavender/eucalyptus (My favorite due to the smell and the exfoliating benefits of the product)

-3 in1 body oil (makes your skin soft to touch and glow)

-Essential soy melts 

-The essential coffee Coco Facial mask body scrub (My least favorite due to the messiness)

Relaxed Hippie products are great for individuals who do not like heavy smells or scents due to allergies. It’s great for individuals with sensitive skin as well.  The ingredients are all natural and the scents are light to non-existent.



 If interested please contact Amber Hyde @ 847-388-0989

Therelaxedhippie@gmail.com

Or The Relaxed Hippie www.therelaxedhippie.com

Angie B Love 

Spiritual Protection ***Back Dated July 16th, 2016****

Do you have a home security system? Do you think this is enough to protect your home?  Yes, you are protected on the natural side but what about the spiritual side. Ever wonder why there is confusion and discord in the home. Your children are acting out or being bullied. Your husband or wife may have issues on the job. Finances are always in shambles.  Bottom-line, it just feels like your home is under attack and yes, you are under attack. A spiritual warfare is going on and wives you have a job to do. Yes, husbands are the first line of defense but the woman helps to strengthen her husband through prayer and fasting. She keeps him lifted in prayer. I’m reaching out to my mothers and wives to inform you of your duty to provide a layer of spiritual protection. Your role is crucial to the survival of your family spiritually and naturally.  Our men need us more now than ever before. Our men are under attack! Pray for protection from depression and oppression. Ask God to touch him to fulfill his God given purpose and to show you, his wife, how to support him in the pursuit of his calling.  Men are strong on the outside, but soft on the inside. We must ask for guidance on how to love and support our men, while leaving their manhood intact.  Pray for the spiritual protection of your children, their mind, hearts and spirits. Especially when their interacting with other children, watching television (you may say, I know what my child watches, but what about the commercials they see or when they go to visit at a friend’s house) or reading some of the assigned school materials for example. Children are pure and this is the cause of their vulnerability.

Let’s stop wasting our breath and physical force on something that needs spiritual force.

Are you armed and ready?

Angie Bee Love 

Your vibe attracts your tribe *****Back Dated**** July 4, 2016

Let’s think about this for a moment....

 Your vibrational output is like a magnet, a vibrational sound wave radiating to the world “Here I am”.  However, “who” are you calling back to you?...  You pull in what you’re putting out. Here’s what I mean, if you’re tired of people complaining to you, do you find yourself complaining a lot? 

Even if it’s all in your head, you have generated these occurrences. You are unknowingly radiating a signal for these types of people to come your way. Change your frequency. Don’t entertain, in this case “complaining” from yourself or anyone else. The same can be said about gossipers, one uppers, or anyone you find repelling.  You are actually repelling apart of yourself you have chosen to ignore.  Dig deep and find what ails you. Get rid of it and heal it. Or just decide to live with it in acceptance and harmony.

  You must take responsibility for the invitations you send out into the world with your thoughts and conversations.  Stop inviting negative people, situations, places or anything that does not serve your authentic self.  Stop wasting time on the irrelevant as well.  Your time Is very valuable and precious. 

  As a social worker who works with our disabled and senior population, I understand the true essence and value of time. These women and men were once healthy and strong.  Now, they are in their late seventies reminiscing on their youth and agonizing their imposing death or uselessness.

The solution is simple. Change your focus, set your intentions and the rest will follow. For example, Let’s say you have a networking event to attend. You are nervous and you do not know anyone. When you walk into the room, your first thought should be, “I will carry myself with ease and grace, I will build a strong network of brilliant minds one smile at a time.”   You have set positive intentions before entering the room. This allows you to focus on people who are radiating the same positive energy you are. Operate on a higher frequency and you will be unstoppable. This clears the haters and low-level energy people from crossing your path. Even If they do, they will remove themselves quite quickly.  

Let’s keep our vibrations high!!!

Angie Bee Love 

Loose 10 pounds in 10 days!!!! Back dated **6/29/16***

It’s possible to lose belly fat and feel good while doing it. No diets, No surgery, No gimmicks!! There’s a simple solution to your weight loss battles. So simple you have to read it twice. It’s called intermittent fasting. Intermittent fasting (IF) is not a diet but a pattern of eating. You do not have to change what you eat but when you eat. However, I would recommend not eating “junk food”. If you have to have a piece of chocolate or a glass of wine, do so in moderation. I like to just get a “taste” in my mouth, as to not completely deprive myself. So, yes you are eating what you will in moderation. The science behind this method of eating comes from the “fasted state” your body goes through while you’re sleeping.  After you’ve eaten your last meal, your body needs at least three to five hours to digest and absorb the food you have eaten. It is very hard to burn fat during this stage. The real magic starts when you are sleeping and a few hours afterwards.

Intermittent fasting can be done in a number of ways; once a week, one a month, or daily. Intermittent fasting can also be done for a twenty-four-hour period, known as the warrior diet.  As for me, the best times for my eating window are noon- to eight o’clock pm. This allows the ability to eat lunch at work and dinner with my family.  I drink only coconut water before noon and after eight o’clock. NO FOOD!! NO SODA!!!  No wine!!  On Thursdays I complete a coffee enema detox and I go a complete 24 hours (Water only!). These are what I call my “Detox Thursdays.” I understand this is not for everyone; however it’s worth a shot!! Try it out and if it doesn’t agree with you, find something different but keep seeking vitality and health.

Some of the issues you may face when intermittent fasting is breaking the habit of snacking during stress on the job and menstrual-cycle induced cravings…  Make sure to have a variety of coconut water flavors, especially if you’re fasting beyond regular lunch time hours.  I plan to make intermittent fasting apart of my daily routine. I find the benefits out way the temporary discomfort…. Make sure to do your research as well, let me know if you have any questions not covered above. I want you to be healthy, happy, & free!!!!!

MARRIAGE REDEFINED

 I need someone to complete me....

I need someone to make me whole…

I need to get married and have kids before I turn thirty….

What’s wrong with me? I’m over thirty and not married yet?

 Iyanla Vanzant breaks the surface of marriage and the power struggle within. Her perspective is fresh and thought provoking. She has been married twice. As a result, she has decided to never get married again. In a recent article found on root.com, Veronica Wells writes on Vanzant’s ideas on marriage.  While on “It’s Not You, It’s Men,” with Tyrese and Rev Run, Vanzant expresses how marriages are not equal partnerships.  When I felt an emotional response to her words, I knew I had to re-evaluate my own marriage. I was raised under a Christian foundation and married into a male dominate perspective.  This sociological foundation forced me to step out of my comfort zone in order to tackle Vanzant’s suggestion of marriage from a fresh perspective.  I believed she was on to something here….

I would like to build a foundation for her argument and from there, build my own logic behind her notion.  The dynamics of the female- male relationship are quite interesting. No matter how advanced women have become educationally and financially, society perpetuates the inaccurate ideology of a woman’s value is defined in relation to a man, through the presence of a man; her man.  You may disagree with me, but look at how society has practically crucified Halle berry’s desirability….

No need for further explanation… lets first look at how marriage is perceived from childhood into adulthood. Men are raised to conquer, provide, and pro-create. Women are raised to be home makers, nurturers, and good girls. Very basic?! Not so, these men grow up resenting marriage. It is the symbol of emasculation and the loss of prowess and desirability for men.  This leads to the ball and chain jokes or the “Yo, she (the wife) let you out to play man” antics.  As if he is in some sort of prison… when it should symbolize a progression of manhood and celebration of adulthood. No, this is not every man but it is enough men with this mentality to be addressed.  Women are married in their dreams by age four lol...  Some even know their wedding colors and all that jazz. It is every girls dream to find their night in shinning amour. (Disclaimer** I’m aware there are women who do not want to ever, nor have they ever wanted to get married or have kids, but you are few and far between ladies)

I wanted to share some of the mental psychology of men and women in the paragraph above so I can bring in Ms. Vanzant’s words of enlightenment below.

Here’s the thing, relationships are not where we go to have fun. Relationships are where we go to heal and where we go to learn. And who you’re going to attract is the person that’s going to bring to the forefront the thing you need to learn or heal or the thing that’s going to help you grow the most.

-Vanzant

We come into this world broken. This causes us to subconsciously seek out people and situations that are reflections of our broken selves. We heal ourselves one relationship at a time, we mend ourselves through the broken pieces discovered throughout the relationship. Our spirits are lacking a true pureness needed to love our mates whole-heartedly. Marriage is for two complete and whole individuals who see each other as equals in value and presence. When you see a man feeling the need to dominate a woman or a woman feeling the need to have a man to make her whole, this is a sign of spiritual infancy and more healing is needed. We have to fight against pre-determined definitions of a husband and wife to find true balance and partnership. No one is above or beneath the other in value. We are side by side. We are one.

The creation of equal partnerships in marriages require a higher level of consciousness and awareness of self.  I believe the current state of our society does not allow a true equal partnership to exist. Until we discover, heal, and repair our hearts and minds, marriage should not be an endeavor we choose to take on. But here’s the thing, so many of us are too lazy to do the “work” on ourselves as Iyanla Vanzant has done. Until then, marriage will be a shadow of what God designed it be….

A symbolic representation of God’s love for the church, his people. The guiding light and a vessel of change…

These are my thoughts…

Angie B Love

References

http://madamenoire.com/617890/iyanla-vanzant-says-she-doesnt-want-to-marry-again-because-marriages-arent-equal-partnerships/#

When life hands you lemons, make the best damn lemonade ever!!!!

" Beyoncé echoes the words of activist and author Malcolm X, who once said that:

"The most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the black woman.”

Many black women across America are living this quote. We are the new day “strange fruit” Billy holiday song into our hearts and souls.  Instead of hanging from trees, we are swinging from mainstream distortions and male chauvinism.  We push our way through a world not designed with us in mind. Beyoncé changed the game by encouraging us to define the rules for ourselves. On April 23^rd, Beyoncé announced to the world more than her stages of betrayal and infidelity within her marriage, she led black women down the path of womanhood and dropped us in America’s front yard. We're here!!!  I am woman hear me roar!

Lemonade was her official call for black feminism and empowerment. Her heart wrenching transparency and poetic soul of art, reminded women across America, we all “feel” and “heal’ the same. We all feel insecurities, anger, self-doubt, and invisible at times. She allowed us to see ourselves through her. We rode waves of emotions with her, as she reminded us of days when our soul seemed to leave our body and our hearts were dipped into the fire of life. It is not only our relationships with the men in our lives which leaves us rattled sometimes. It’s the relationship we have with ourselves and the women we share this experience of  womanhood with, who may leave us confused and disturbed. We compete, judge, ridicule and fight amongst ourselves. We never once think to share the burden and be our sister’s keeper. Beyoncé gave us the courage to breathe again. When Life beat us down to the ground, when demands seemed unbearable and when labels were defined for us…We dwindled our light, our strength; we sometimes even questioned our beauty. (We questioned what we “should” do or who we “should” be.)  When life Suffocated us until we didn’t know who we were anymore, she gave us back our voice. 

Beyoncé’s album goes beyond infidelity and reaches into the soul of black women. She jolted us back to life. We followed Beyoncé’s evolution of “self” through the use of “other” as she made it the new “norm”. Lemonade was unapologetic, beautiful, and transcending all in one. So let’s get in formation ladies!!!!! It’s about time….

Angie B Love

Think Big!!! Vision Boards to the Next level

Have you ever tried to drive somewhere you've never been before and  your GPS suddenly stopped working?

 You feel frustrated, lost, and overwhelmed.

The same can be applied to your life. You are a creator.  You are the designer of your life. In order to get where you’re going, you must first design a road map of your life. Ask God to help guide you to your destination.  You must have a vision for your life. See yourself doing, becoming, and having what you desire.  I know there has been a lot of talk over the past few years in reference to creating vision boards and Goals. However, I suggest taking things a step further.

Recently, I went into a Mercedes Benz dealership. Almost a year ago, I placed a picture of a Mercedes-Benz on my Vision Board. I always wanted to test drive one, but my inner voice would say things like, “You can’t afford this car!” or “The salesman won’t give you the time of day!” I decided enough is enough. I drove into the dealership with my 2015 Nissan Altima and requested to talk to a salesman. Unlike what I expected, He was warm and welcoming. He listened to what I desired in a Mercedes. He told me I he knew just what I wanted. Went to get the keys and told me to follow him outside. He pointed me to the most beautiful thing I ever laid eyes on. (Since the birth of my babies of course) I felt tears of joy rush down my face as I continued to whisper, “This is it” This is my car!! I cannot express to you enough How it felt to drive her on the highway. Somewhere deep inside, this moment resonated with me and I asked God to hear me. I was calling it into my universe, into a world of Possibilities, my possibilities.  

God is calling for Radical Faith….  Here are a few suggestions I want to share with you as you take on a life of wealth, prosperity, and blessings….

#1. Always dress for the job you want, not the job you have. See yourself becoming a supervisor, Educator, etc. Faith without work is dead. So, make sure you are taking necessary courses and getting mental clarity on your desired career goals.

#2.  Walk through the home of your desires. Yes, you may live in a one bedroom apartment right now, but today does not determine tomorrow’s circumstances.  Test drive your dream car, visit the company you want to work for, reach out to someone in the field you want to work in… the doors of opportunity are limitless…

#3. Take 10-15 minutes of your day to meditate on the desires of your heart. Make them known to God. However, understand God requires something from his children. We are servant-leaders. We must find ways, daily to be servants and representatives of God as he blesses us to be a blessing to others.

Above all else, the following strategies above can serve as motivation. It beckons our greatness to come out the dark, into the light. It renews our drive and re-ignites the spark within us to go get what belongs to us.  There is enough to go around, just make sure you get yours!

Angie B Love

The Beautiful Storm: Untold truths about married life.

Have you ever experienced the sun shining while the rain was falling? Amazing right? At first you think its your senses playing a trick on you. Then you realize it’s real. A quiet calmness and enchantment embraces you. This is how marriage feels.  Marriage is a major adjustment. There is a vulnerability that comes with marriage. Many are not accustomed to the level of transparency and commitment required. Individuals are accustomed to doing things a certain way, “your way” for so long. It’s been all about you. I hear many single individuals scream, “I’m not about to get married and end up divorced, I’m good!!”

However, this type of perception has been the conception of the deception of what’s really going on with marriage. However, there are people who took the leap of faith into the unknown. Yes, it is hard work but anything of value is worth fight for, right?  I’ve been married six years on May 8^th of this year.  It has been a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, twists and turns.  If I had a choice I would do it again. I am a stronger because of it. I discovered my greatest strengths. Most of all, I have someone to share my life with… I’ve learned over the years the value of loyalty, dependability, and accountability. True partnership is everlasting.  I now understand what marriage is and not the naive fairytales I once envisioned.  Here are a few tips I’ve learned along the way.

“Stop looking for your spouse to complete you”

Yes, The “you complete me” sounds cute on V-day, but in reality, you are two whole people coming together as one to create something new. Your goal is to create a long-lasting and effective union. Leave your insecurities at the door or at least seek professional help so you don’t become a mental burden on your mate.

Financial Situations

If you were okay with his income, credit, tax issues, child support, work schedule, etc. before you decided to get married don’t give your mate the side eye later on. Work together, build, and improve your financial lives together.

Who disciplines the children?

Please remember when I tell you, one of you will be the nurturer and the other will be the disciplinarian.

Which one will you be? Make sure to have a talk about how you plan to discipline your children… (time out, etc.)

You will not like your spouse every day

Disagreements happen but agree to make up by a certain timeline. No one wants to walk around a home with negative energy floating around. The kids can feel it, the dog can feel it. Even the mail man, so get it right and fast.  You got an empire to build…

They share friends business

Married couples have pillow talk and sometimes it’s the latest issue a friend maybe having at the time. If you find yourself in this situation, make sure not to get upset when your spouse doesn’t want to be around certain people if you share some unbecoming things about your friend… I recommend keeping certain things about mutual friends to yourself. I know this is your best friend now, but save the headache!

Married people still date each other

When you’re living with your best friend, you really don’t have to get out the house all the time… Sometimes just a child-free house, a few bottles of wine, and your favorite dinner are all you need…    It’s easy on the budget as well…. Nonetheless, whether you choose to stay in or dine out, there is opportunity to recharge and renew with each other.

Sometimes married couples want to be single

Yes, then you realize when you were single, you wanted to be married. These feelings will pass eventually.

My friend, your friend, our friend

Some friends you will share as a couple. While others you will have separately. It’s okay, you won’t share everything. As long as there is respect for the union you two share (no cheater set ups), go out, have fun, and enjoy your night out with the guys/girls!!

Quickie Appointments

The struggle is real. Kids, work, obligations, etc. are taking up all your time and energy. Before you realize it, almost seven days have gone by and nothing has happened in the love making department. Sometimes you’re just too tired to get it in. I have a solution…  (Drum roll please)  “Schedule your quickies.” I know, I know… before getting married you could time your playtime like the “back of your hand” not anymore, lol lol.

The Representative is GONE!!!

 He will leave socks on the floor. You will have morning conversations while on the toilet. He will purchase your tampons. She will have morning breath and a hair bonnet. Any annoying thing you can think of will be in your face. You will be with this person 24/7. In the past, you could go to your respective homes on the weekdays and get away to each other’s place on the weekends. Three days to wow and impress and four days to rest. You get the point…

All in all, marriage is fun, exciting, and hard work. I enjoy being married; it’s like learning to riding a bike. In the beginning you’re going to fall. You may get a few bumps and bruises but one day you’re going to catch your balance. You will get the hang of it. As a child, the day you learned to ride your bike is the day you realized you can go anywhere in the world you wanted….  The same applies to your marriage!!  

Share in the comment section below how long you’ve been married and any tips you’ve learned. I want to hear from you.

Angie B Love

"My Son Is Gone Because Someone Deemed Him a Criminal and Not My Child" ***Angie B Love responds to mother of Andrew Joseph III*****

 Thank you so much for sharing your story Ms. Deanna Joseph. Your son is our son.  His death enrages me to tears as I look over at my ten year old. He is full of life and optimistic about his future. He wants to become a doctor.  I'm not so sure he will have a fair chance to achieve his dreams.  In a world that seeks to swallow him whole, I pray each and every night. I pray for God's protection in a world so cold.  I want those big, shiny eyes to remain full of hope and promise when he envisions his future. I never want his spirit to become dull, damaged or helpless from society’s mental and physical beatings. Black children are dehumanized and ostracized. "The evidence shows that perceptions of the essential nature of children can be affected by race, and for black children, this can mean they lose the protection afforded by assumed childhood innocence well before they become adults ("Black Boys Viewed as Older, Less Innocent Than Whites, Research Finds", 2014).”

 Black children are perceived as violent, inhumane, and dangerous.  Through the womb (women) and the offspring (her children), there is a calculated extermination of the black race. Although it feels like a strategic assault on the lives of black children and women, I will not live in fear for my son or daughters lives.  Ms. Joseph, I commend your strength. Through your voice and countless others, a change will come. In regards to the victimization of African American Youth, I admire your outward transformation of your pain into an evolving social consciousness. Police are supposed to protect, inspire, and guide the young; not exterminate and perpetuate cultural racism. It seems as though we have gone backwards, as if we’ve traveled back in time; before Martin Luther King JR., before the fall of Jim Crow or the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation in 1863. Except, this time, it’s not overt but covert, hidden in plain sight. Do you feel the police force has become more like the new day Klu Klux Klan? Please weigh in down below….

Angie B Love 

References

1.      Black Boys Viewed as Older, Less Innocent Than Whites, Research Finds. (March 6). Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2014/03/black-boys-older.aspx

2.      Gabrielson, R., Grochowski, R., & Sagara, E. (2014, October 10). Deadly force, in black and white. Retrieved from http://www.propublica.org/article/deadly-force-in-black-and-white

Please read the full article by following the link below.

                                                                                                            

Article Link:

 http://www.theroot.com/articles/news/2016/02/police_kill_unarmed_black_man_in_texas_say_they_mistook_cellphone_for_gun.html?wpisrc=newsletter_jcr:content%26

Andrew Joseph III 

COURTESY OF DEANNA JOSEPH

Why some people have given up on church?

I was raised in the church. I went to church practically every day for some reason or another as a child. Skirt-wearing (No pants allowed)in the winter time, donuts selling on nice summer Saturday’s kind of church going gal…  Sunday school, Sunday worship, Sunday evening services was my life. I believe my grandmother knew she had to keep me preoccupied.  What better way to keep a young girl out the street than introducing her to God.  That was my life, until I became an adult. I was able to make decisions for myself. Guess what, your girl went on a church-cation. Yep, you heard me and my made up word.  A vacation from church, but how can you go on vacation from God lol…

 I was so upset with how the church dynamic operated and it was across the board to me. Nowhere felt safe for my spiritual rest and elevation at the time. I was a young mother of one, searching for acceptance while trying to pursue educational advancement.....
 I am now on a quest to build and maintain a relationship with Christ. I am a wife, mother, etc. now and I have to become grounded for my children.  In order to do so, I had to remember that Christ loves the church. We are the church, Gods people.  I love Christ, so in turn; I must love what he loves. No matter how you feel about the church, Christ commands us to never fail to assemble ourselves together.  ( Hebrew 10:25  {NIV} Not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.)

 Here is the thing…  Christ commands us to encourage (love) each other…   did we forget this integral part of his instructions?

There is a religious (self-righteous) type of church goer that has strangled the life out of Infants in Christ. Babies in Christ are considered green, fresh, and new to the walk…   “Religious individuals” approach these individuals with criticism instead of guidance. These are the people who feel they are “more’ saved than you. They are at every service, every event, and meeting in efforts to keep the judgment-gossip wheel going.   God is love and this is not love...  Sometimes seasoned individuals forget their place; which is to love, cover and guide.  They become the opposite of what God commands.  It is our duty to bring new souls to Christ and allow him to clean them up and renew their minds. Your whispers, stares, and alienation will not help.  Nope, not one bit. It hurts my heart to hear people tell me they do not “Do church.”   The church can do so much for the community and world as a whole, only  if we can come together and operate as one. One body in Christ.
Have you had an experience with a "religious" type of person and how did you handle it?
I want to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

Concerned and bewildered

your sister gal,

Angie B love

I fell in love….

I fell in love….

I always wondered what this kind of love felt like. I never understood how someone could have a love affair so strong with a man they’ve never met. It seemed beyond my understanding. My educated mind felt inadequate, sometimes rationalizing my shortcomings by telling myself, “The ones who loved this man so radically must be insane and careless in their pursuit for his face.”

“How could he allow so much pain and suffering in our lives if he loved us” or “If he loved me so much, life wouldn’t be so hard.” Until one day, his hand touch mine, my soul quivered and a warm embrace filled me with love and understanding. His pureness engulfed my undeserving heart. He gave me another chance.  Now, I do things not because it’s the right thing to do but because it pleases him.  He has set me aside, his daughter, and placed me in the fire to make me over in his image. I accept my cross daily in my walk with him. I know without doubt or fear he carried me through the darkest hours of my life.  He has been here all along, waiting, watching, protecting his daughter.  I asked for a personal relationship with this man named Jesus a long time ago…

Now I know him for myself and I’m proud to tell the world “I’m in love with a man named, Jesus!! He is my everything and I’m his everything.”

Allow him to come into your heart. He will change your world. You can’t change yourself.  He loves you just the way you are.  Come to him and allow your father to work in you and through you. Jesus will strengthen you and make you whole. Do not allow judgmental, critical, and religious people to keep you away from his love, not even “YOU” yes, you!
Comment below and share your first time with Christ...

I Love you,

May God bless and keep you until we meet here again,

Angie B Love

Superwoman needs saving sometimes too…

 She's on a mission to save the world. She's got a apron, briefcase, heels, PTA meeting and a sippy cup for baby Junior all in one; she's doing it all.....

But doing it "all" at what cost?..
Some say she’s moody, mean, B%$&hy, or just has a bad attitude, in reality she is tired, worn, and crying in the inside for a little “me” time… 

Women have so many duties, obligations, and responsibilities in their lives. Women are rarely found relaxing and just " being". She is constantly on the go and "doing". Women across America are reaching their limitations and do not know how to ask for help in fear of appearing inadequate.  A dominant need to please and nurture is the staple of womanhood.   As a result, women place themselves last after husband, children, community, employer, etc.  God forbid she takes a personal day, she feels guilty and the underlying theme is “They need me, maybe I can just ask for half a day", or "I shouldn’t ask my husband to help with the kids", I should get them dressed, fix the formula, iron, sign the permission slips, pay the bills online, and the list goes on…..  Above all, you don’t have to be happy, carefree all the time. It’s okay to acknowledge uncomfortable feelings, but discover why you feel this way, fix it, and keep pushing….

You see, the common theme here is, “You can’t fathom someone else completing a daily task you normally would complete in no time and all at the same time." ( The woman’s gift and curse; to multi-task)  Nonetheless, this is the problem. You’re setting yourself up for everyone around you to treat you like superwoman. So therefore, when the time finally comes for you to reach out for help, others assume you got it together.  However, No worries we can get everyone up to speed. Let’s  introduce them to the human  behind the superhuman you’ve presented to the world all these years. 

Here are a few ways to get the help you need...

Your Mate

Allow your husband/partner to help around the house.  Let him know you need him. Men love feeling needed… Allow him to do whatever it is you have asked him to do in his own way… Not “YOUR “way.

Family/Friends

You’re still a fantastic mother if you send your children to spend time with Grandma, grandpa, aunt, Uncle, god mama you name it… If they are offering to help, accept it. (Questionable individual’s get a no ma’am) Catch up on some sleep, take a long hot bath, or do something you haven’t done in a long time… you work hard and deserve a break.

Children

 Your mini me’s can be a big help around the house when it comes to completing chores. My ten year old son loves helping take out the trash and doing the dishes. This allows time to focus on my four year old daughter and eleven month old niece (daughter).  I get more accomplished after I get home from work and everyone wins.

We are not superhuman; we are “extra”-ordinary.  We make others believe we are superhuman because of a quiet strength we exude and the earth shattering power we generate. We appear invincible. Nonetheless, it is our responsibility to allow others to witness our vulnerability, transparency, and dependence at times to ensure we remain spiritually, physically, and mentally whole.

Until next time,

Love, peace and blessings  to you my sistah!!

Angie Bee Love