Posts
I
need someone to complete me....
I
need someone to make me whole…
I
need to get married and have kids before I turn thirty….
What’s
wrong with me? I’m over thirty and not married yet?
Iyanla Vanzant breaks the surface of marriage and
the power struggle within. Her perspective is fresh and thought provoking. She has
been married twice. As a result, she has decided to never get married again. In
a recent article found on root.com, Veronica Wells writes on Vanzant’s ideas on
marriage. While on “It’s Not You, It’s
Men,” with Tyrese and Rev Run, Vanzant expresses how marriages are not equal
partnerships. When I felt an emotional response
to her words, I knew I had to re-evaluate my own marriage. I was raised under a
Christian foundation and married into a male dominate perspective. This sociological foundation forced me to step
out of my comfort zone in order to tackle Vanzant’s suggestion of marriage from
a fresh perspective. I believed she was on
to something here….
I would like to
build a foundation for her argument and from there, build my own logic behind
her notion. The dynamics of the female-
male relationship are quite interesting. No matter how advanced women have become
educationally and financially, society perpetuates the inaccurate ideology of a
woman’s value is defined in relation to a man, through the presence of a man;
her man. You may disagree with me, but
look at how society has practically crucified Halle berry’s desirability….
No need for
further explanation… lets first look at how marriage is perceived from
childhood into adulthood. Men are raised to conquer, provide, and pro-create. Women
are raised to be home makers, nurturers, and good girls. Very basic?! Not so,
these men grow up resenting marriage. It is the symbol of emasculation and the loss
of prowess and desirability for men. This leads to the ball and chain jokes or the “Yo,
she (the wife) let you out to play man” antics. As if he is in some sort of prison… when it
should symbolize a progression of manhood and celebration of adulthood. No, this
is not every man but it is enough men with this mentality to be addressed. Women are married in their dreams by age four
lol... Some even know their wedding
colors and all that jazz. It is every girls dream to find their night in
shinning amour. (Disclaimer** I’m aware there are women who do not want to ever,
nor have they ever wanted to get married or have kids, but you are few and far
between ladies)
I
wanted to share some of the mental psychology of men and women in the paragraph
above so I can bring in Ms. Vanzant’s words of enlightenment below.
Here’s the thing, relationships are not where we go to have fun. Relationships are where we go to heal and where we go to learn. And who you’re going to attract is the person that’s going to bring to the forefront the thing you need to learn or heal or the thing that’s going to help you grow the most.
-Vanzant
We come into this world broken. This causes
us to subconsciously seek out people and situations that are reflections of our
broken selves. We heal ourselves one relationship at a time, we mend ourselves through
the broken pieces discovered throughout the relationship. Our spirits are
lacking a true pureness needed to love our mates whole-heartedly. Marriage is
for two complete and whole individuals who see each other as equals in value
and presence. When you see a man feeling the need to dominate a woman or a
woman feeling the need to have a man to make her whole, this is a sign of
spiritual infancy and more healing is needed. We have to fight against
pre-determined definitions of a husband and wife to find true balance and
partnership. No one is above or beneath the other in value. We are side by
side. We are one.
A symbolic representation of God’s love for the church, his people. The
guiding light and a vessel of change…
Angie B Love
References
http://madamenoire.com/617890/iyanla-vanzant-says-she-doesnt-want-to-marry-again-because-marriages-arent-equal-partnerships/#
