Thursday, June 2, 2016


 I need someone to complete me....
I need someone to make me whole…
I need to get married and have kids before I turn thirty….
What’s wrong with me? I’m over thirty and not married yet?

 Iyanla Vanzant breaks the surface of marriage and the power struggle within. Her perspective is fresh and thought provoking. She has been married twice. As a result, she has decided to never get married again. In a recent article found on, Veronica Wells writes on Vanzant’s ideas on marriage.  While on “It’s Not You, It’s Men,” with Tyrese and Rev Run, Vanzant expresses how marriages are not equal partnerships.  When I felt an emotional response to her words, I knew I had to re-evaluate my own marriage. I was raised under a Christian foundation and married into a male dominate perspective.  This sociological foundation forced me to step out of my comfort zone in order to tackle Vanzant’s suggestion of marriage from a fresh perspective.  I believed she was on to something here….
I would like to build a foundation for her argument and from there, build my own logic behind her notion.  The dynamics of the female- male relationship are quite interesting. No matter how advanced women have become educationally and financially, society perpetuates the inaccurate ideology of a woman’s value is defined in relation to a man, through the presence of a man; her man.  You may disagree with me, but look at how society has practically crucified Halle berry’s desirability….
No need for further explanation… lets first look at how marriage is perceived from childhood into adulthood. Men are raised to conquer, provide, and pro-create. Women are raised to be home makers, nurturers, and good girls. Very basic?! Not so, these men grow up resenting marriage. It is the symbol of emasculation and the loss of prowess and desirability for men.  This leads to the ball and chain jokes or the “Yo, she (the wife) let you out to play man” antics.  As if he is in some sort of prison… when it should symbolize a progression of manhood and celebration of adulthood. No, this is not every man but it is enough men with this mentality to be addressed.  Women are married in their dreams by age four lol...  Some even know their wedding colors and all that jazz. It is every girls dream to find their night in shinning amour. (Disclaimer** I’m aware there are women who do not want to ever, nor have they ever wanted to get married or have kids, but you are few and far between ladies)
I wanted to share some of the mental psychology of men and women in the paragraph above so I can bring in Ms. Vanzant’s words of enlightenment below.

Here’s the thing, relationships are not where we go to have fun. Relationships are where we go to heal and where we go to learn. And who you’re going to attract is the person that’s going to bring to the forefront the thing you need to learn or heal or the thing that’s going to help you grow the most.

We come into this world broken. This causes us to subconsciously seek out people and situations that are reflections of our broken selves. We heal ourselves one relationship at a time, we mend ourselves through the broken pieces discovered throughout the relationship. Our spirits are lacking a true pureness needed to love our mates whole-heartedly. Marriage is for two complete and whole individuals who see each other as equals in value and presence. When you see a man feeling the need to dominate a woman or a woman feeling the need to have a man to make her whole, this is a sign of spiritual infancy and more healing is needed. We have to fight against pre-determined definitions of a husband and wife to find true balance and partnership. No one is above or beneath the other in value. We are side by side. We are one.

The creation of equal partnerships in marriages require a higher level of consciousness and awareness of self.  I believe the current state of our society does not allow a true equal partnership to exist. Until we discover, heal, and repair our hearts and minds, marriage should not be an endeavor we choose to take on. But here’s the thing, so many of us are too lazy to do the “work” on ourselves as Iyanla Vanzant has done. Until then, marriage will be a shadow of what God designed it be….
A symbolic representation of God’s love for the church, his people. The guiding light and a vessel of change…

These are my thoughts…

Angie B Love



  1. These words are quite profound, and Angie hits the nail on the head again! What a superb article! When she wrote, "When you see a man feeling the need to dominate a woman or a woman feeling the need to have a man to make her whole, this is a sign of spiritual infancy and more healing is needed." This statement is the realest statement, that i have ever seen written in an article. A dominate woman or man looking for power in relationship will only drain their partner and make them unhappy. Marriage is a team and a partnership between two people with the help of the almighty (for my religious beliefs). If one of the team members is broken, the marriage will be broken in the end. Great Read! Great Article.

    1. I am happy you enjoyed reading my thoughts on this touchy subject.
      It is a pleasure reading your thoughts as well....

  2. I completely agree that dominance in a relationship is a sign of spiritual, mental, and emotional infancy or immaturity. Too many men look for power in their marriage as the "head of the woman" but all it does is drain the relationship. I admire and sometimes envy marriages where the husband and wife are partners, friends,... a team. There must be a balance.

    1. Yes, Tiffany
      Balance is the missing piece of the puzzle.
      However, the journey one must embark on for this balance is the true key....
      Thank you so much for stopping by. Please check out my other blogs, YouTube videos and more...
      If you think of any hot topics you would like us to talk about here
      Please don't hesitate to let me know....

  3. I concur whole heartedly. To add to that I feel that we try and fit into what society has deemed 'successful marriage' and chase after that ideal without knowing if we are even marriage ready. Then we get into marriage, broken, and break the marriage before it ever creates a solid foundation. Hurt people, hurt people. And until both men and women understand that half of themselves is no good for a whole marriage, the state of marriage as a love prison, ran by the warden of control, will keep prevailing. The misunderstanding of the words submit, honor, and love, have taken on such negative sentiments, we have forgotten that those should be out biggest strengths in marriage.


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