Monday, February 22, 2016
The Beautiful Storm: Untold truths about married life.
Have you ever experienced the sun shining while the rain was falling? Amazing right? At first you think its your senses playing a trick on you. Then you realize it’s real. A quiet calmness and enchantment embraces you. This is how marriage feels. Marriage is a major adjustment. There is a vulnerability that comes with marriage. Many are not accustomed to the level of transparency and commitment required. Individuals are accustomed to doing things a certain way, “your way” for so long. It’s been all about you. I hear many single individuals scream, “I’m not about to get married and end up divorced, I’m good!!”
However, this type of perception has been the conception of the deception of what’s really going on with marriage. However, there are people who took the leap of faith into the unknown. Yes, it is hard work but anything of value is worth fight for, right? I’ve been married six years on May 8th of this year. It has been a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, twists and turns. If I had a choice I would do it again. I am a stronger because of it. I discovered my greatest strengths. Most of all, I have someone to share my life with… I’ve learned over the years the value of loyalty, dependability, and accountability. True partnership is everlasting. I now understand what marriage is and not the naive fairytales I once envisioned. Here are a few tips I’ve learned along the way.
“Stop looking for your spouse to complete you”
Yes, The “you complete me” sounds cute on V-day, but in reality, you are two whole people coming together as one to create something new. Your goal is to create a long-lasting and effective union. Leave your insecurities at the door or at least seek professional help so you don’t become a mental burden on your mate.
If you were okay with his income, credit, tax issues, child support, work schedule, etc. before you decided to get married don’t give your mate the side eye later on. Work together, build, and improve your financial lives together.
Who disciplines the children?
Please remember when I tell you, one of you will be the nurturer and the other will be the disciplinarian.
Which one will you be? Make sure to have a talk about how you plan to discipline your children… (time out, etc.)
You will not like your spouse every day
Disagreements happen but agree to make up by a certain timeline. No one wants to walk around a home with negative energy floating around. The kids can feel it, the dog can feel it. Even the mail man, so get it right and fast. You got an empire to build…
They share friends business
Married couples have pillow talk and sometimes it’s the latest issue a friend maybe having at the time. If you find yourself in this situation, make sure not to get upset when your spouse doesn’t want to be around certain people if you share some unbecoming things about your friend… I recommend keeping certain things about mutual friends to yourself. I know this is your best friend now, but save the headache!
Married people still date each other
When you’re living with your best friend, you really don’t have to get out the house all the time… Sometimes just a child-free house, a few bottles of wine, and your favorite dinner are all you need… It’s easy on the budget as well…. Nonetheless, whether you choose to stay in or dine out, there is opportunity to recharge and renew with each other.
Sometimes married couples want to be single
Yes, then you realize when you were single, you wanted to be married. These feelings will pass eventually.
My friend, your friend, our friend
Some friends you will share as a couple. While others you will have separately. It’s okay, you won’t share everything. As long as there is respect for the union you two share (no cheater set ups), go out, have fun, and enjoy your night out with the guys/girls!!
The struggle is real. Kids, work, obligations, etc. are taking up all your time and energy. Before you realize it, almost seven days have gone by and nothing has happened in the love making department. Sometimes you’re just too tired to get it in. I have a solution… (Drum roll please) “Schedule your quickies.” I know, I know… before getting married you could time your playtime like the “back of your hand” not anymore, lol lol.
The Representative is GONE!!!
He will leave socks on the floor. You will have morning conversations while on the toilet. He will purchase your tampons. She will have morning breath and a hair bonnet. Any annoying thing you can think of will be in your face. You will be with this person 24/7. In the past, you could go to your respective homes on the weekdays and get away to each other’s place on the weekends. Three days to wow and impress and four days to rest. You get the point…
All in all, marriage is fun, exciting, and hard work. I enjoy being married; it’s like learning to riding a bike. In the beginning you’re going to fall. You may get a few bumps and bruises but one day you’re going to catch your balance. You will get the hang of it. As a child, the day you learned to ride your bike is the day you realized you can go anywhere in the world you wanted…. The same applies to your marriage!!
Share in the comment section below how long you’ve been married and any tips you’ve learned. I want to hear from you.
Angie B Love