Be a wife, not a knife

I do not blame any of the women in my life for showing me what strength looks like… These amazing women taught me independence and resilience. There was a high value placed on a quality education and obtaining a good job and rightly so. The male presence was so unpredictable and turbulent. Mothers and aunties were making sure you do all you can, to be okay with or without a man. This was all fine and dandy until I found a man worth keeping. I’m talking about long term, put a ring on it, be my wife kind of life. All the while, these are the thoughts playing in the back of my mind, “you don’t need a man, I can do this without him, one more argument and I’m gone! I had zero tolerance for some of the minute things.



I am woman here me ROar!!!! However, my husband was shrinking further and further away from this strong black woman, who professed not to need him or any man for that matter. So contradictory of it all.



Let’s back up a minute. Many women who grew up in single parent homes, divorced homes, or raised by neither parent at all have created an automatic protective mechanism. Black women had to present a hard exterior and almost take on the roles of a man and woman. She is the disciplinarian, the nurturer, the breadwinner and head of the household. Sometimes with the male being present in the home, the woman still seemed to run the house to the point of running him away. Before the age of OBAMA, men were perceived as non-existent in the household and irresponsible. The government played daddy in many households. Therefore, women were either forced and sometimes by choice to become single mothers. Many of these women rested on the backbone of governmental assistance to get by. I want to take it a bit further to 1712, The Willie Lynch Letter (Some say it was not real, nonetheless it seems relevant in explaining the generational Traumatic experience held in our DNA)



“We breed two n­­­____males with two n___ females. Then we take the n__ males from them and keep them moving and working. Say the one ni___ female bear a n___ female and the other bears a n___ male. Both n___ females, being without the influence of the n___ image, frozen with independent psychology, will raise their offspring in reverse positions. The one with the female offspring will teach her to be like herself, independent and negotiable. The one with the n___male offspring, she being frozen with a subconscious fear for his life, will raise him to be mentally dependent and weak, but physically strong.” (Hassan-EL, 1990.p19) The Negro Marriage Unit



The female-male relationship has been distorted and manipulated for a very long time. Black women are so independent and strong; their men have to check twice for their man card. I’m not saying black women must be weak, but there is a secret to this marriage and submit notion that is so widely detested. (Submit is not as negative as you may think if your married to the right man) Majority of people are neglecting to acknowledge or accept the real meaning of submit in relation to marriage these days. I have just discovered “some” of these myself, and maybe you already knew but I want to share with you what I have learned.








Be quiet sometimes and listen. I mean truly listen to what your mate is saying. Sometimes we as women have to be heard and have the last word. Not so, let him get his thoughts out. Your answer to your question may be around the corner but you bulldozed through his response and now he doesn’t want to talk anymore. At this point there is a problem.


Men are just as sensitive as women. Please don’t let the muscles and those sexy lips fool you. Make sure to say whatever you have to say in love. Especially if its criticism. Be mindful of your tone and facial expressions. Women are so used to saying whatever comes to mind in an emotional tantrum,only to seal it with an “I’m sorry” later.


Sometimes men don’t care about whether or not the house is clean or if dinner is cooked on time. Sometimes he just wants some quick loving. If he comes up behind you and grabs you with a slap!! Cut the stove off or drop the laundry and pick it up later. He may be so satisfied that he may finish the food or fold the laundry for you….


Stop being so controlling. Allow him to lead. If he is truly leading correctly, he will consult with you before he makes a move anyway. Don’t worry…. Rest in Jesus and allow your man to be a man.


Develop a Team Mentality: You don’t have to announce how much you get paid, your latest promotion, the new model car you’re driving, if you can change your own flat tire… I’m not saying not to be proud of your accomplishments, but what I am saying is that men are providers and problem solvers at heart. He wants to be the reason you smile. He wants to give you your heart’s desire or at least have a hand in it. Turn the “I” into “Us” or you’ll begin to strip his manhood away by demonstrating to him, you don’t need him.


Be supportive. Supportive looks different depending on the man you’re with so ask him what he considers support. My husband is determined to work out every night. He was extremely tired one night but was adamant about working out. So, I stayed up one night to motivate him and push him through each set. I was sleepy yes! But he expressed so much “appreciation” the next morning for my support.


Show him you appreciate him. I don’t care if he changes the light bulb, unclogged the sink, and/or washed the car. This may seem like normal things to you, but these are acts of service and are major gestures of love to him.



Please understand, it’s okay to say you need a man in your life. This does not make you weak or vulnerable. It does not take away from your strength. If you have a good man, love on that man. More specifically, rest in your feminity and give your man back some of the masculinity in the relationship. Use the remaining masculine energy for the work world. Rest in your role as a woman and he will be the man you need. He has no choice; you’ve called out the king in him.



I also recommend finding out your mates love language as well here www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/





Angie B Love

Side-chick epidemic: Coming to a relationship near you!!

Why are you so happy being the other woman?

Why are you satisfied with second best?

 Why are you so content with a “piece” of a man, lying to you and giving you the scraps of his time?

Are you that desperate disguised in “I’m just doing me! He’s the one married to her, not me!

You act as if you’re doing something so spectacular, but honey he comes home to the wife every night.  But he tells you how unhappy is and he’s going to leave as soon as the time is right! I bet!

  You’re a toy, a “fun thang,” a receptacle for him to release his frustrations (crap) on.  A human toilet. Yes, that is what you are.   He has no real commitment to you. He did not wife you, he married her. She knows the “real” him. You know “of “him. The person he “tells” you he is, but you don’t “know” him.  Of course he’s perfect with you. He can ignore his responsibilities, his bills, his problems. You are his escape from everyday life. You’re not asking him to fix a bottle for a crying baby at 3AM or asking about a $300 water bill because of leaking pipes. That’s why it easy for him to talk to you, easy to lay in bed next to you, easy easy, easy. You get that your “easy”…..?

 Let me break this down for you a a minute…. 

When he looks into his wife’s eyes, he sees a reflection of himself, good or bad. Only he knows if he has been a good husband and/or father. He wants to please her, make her happy, and live up to the standard of her desires. If he does not feel he has done so, he will feel like less of a man in his wife’s eyes. In her presence he will feel like a loser. Every man wants to win and if he is not winning financially or emotionally in the home, he will feel worthless. You, my dear allow him to gain a false sense of winning.  He is able to check out of reality. You do not speak to the man in him, but the boy in him. The wife is calling out the king in him. If he’s not ready he will take the “easy “way out and that is “you” my dear. Why are you so satisfied with being “easy”? Is it because of self-esteem issues? Daddy issues? Typical?!... I don’t know but seek counsel. You have a real issue here!

If nothing else, think about your future married self. Would you want another woman to step in because you had a bad day? Do you want to constantly live on edge, fearful that your husband is cheating on you because your body is not the same anymore after giving birth or an argument with your husband got a little heated and now he’s on the sofa?

Oh sweet heart, listen to me closely. There are women like you being born every day who will attack the very fabric of your marriage just as you have done.

You’re proud to be a side chick huh?

 Well let’s see how proud you’ll be when the tables turn…

What are your thoughts? 

Angie B Love

Product Review ****The Relaxed Hippie*****

It’s hard to find affordable, all natural products these days. This is why I appreciate the authenticity and nature-centered products provided by Amber Hyde. She has a number of products to accommodate your daily needs and your relaxation desires… I had the wonderful opportunity to try some of her products. I ordered the Essentials Sample pack for the affordable price of $7.50.

Here are a list of the products I have tested and my honest opinion of them all…

-Coconut Almond Moisture Bar

-Oatmeal Milk bath 

-Sea Soak Sweet Almond Infused lavender/eucalyptus (My favorite due to the smell and the exfoliating benefits of the product)

-3 in1 body oil (makes your skin soft to touch and glow)

-Essential soy melts 

-The essential coffee Coco Facial mask body scrub (My least favorite due to the messiness)

Relaxed Hippie products are great for individuals who do not like heavy smells or scents due to allergies. It’s great for individuals with sensitive skin as well.  The ingredients are all natural and the scents are light to non-existent.



 If interested please contact Amber Hyde @ 847-388-0989

Therelaxedhippie@gmail.com

Or The Relaxed Hippie www.therelaxedhippie.com

Angie B Love 

Spiritual Protection ***Back Dated July 16th, 2016****

Do you have a home security system? Do you think this is enough to protect your home?  Yes, you are protected on the natural side but what about the spiritual side. Ever wonder why there is confusion and discord in the home. Your children are acting out or being bullied. Your husband or wife may have issues on the job. Finances are always in shambles.  Bottom-line, it just feels like your home is under attack and yes, you are under attack. A spiritual warfare is going on and wives you have a job to do. Yes, husbands are the first line of defense but the woman helps to strengthen her husband through prayer and fasting. She keeps him lifted in prayer. I’m reaching out to my mothers and wives to inform you of your duty to provide a layer of spiritual protection. Your role is crucial to the survival of your family spiritually and naturally.  Our men need us more now than ever before. Our men are under attack! Pray for protection from depression and oppression. Ask God to touch him to fulfill his God given purpose and to show you, his wife, how to support him in the pursuit of his calling.  Men are strong on the outside, but soft on the inside. We must ask for guidance on how to love and support our men, while leaving their manhood intact.  Pray for the spiritual protection of your children, their mind, hearts and spirits. Especially when their interacting with other children, watching television (you may say, I know what my child watches, but what about the commercials they see or when they go to visit at a friend’s house) or reading some of the assigned school materials for example. Children are pure and this is the cause of their vulnerability.

Let’s stop wasting our breath and physical force on something that needs spiritual force.

Are you armed and ready?

Angie Bee Love 

Your vibe attracts your tribe *****Back Dated**** July 4, 2016

Let’s think about this for a moment....

 Your vibrational output is like a magnet, a vibrational sound wave radiating to the world “Here I am”.  However, “who” are you calling back to you?...  You pull in what you’re putting out. Here’s what I mean, if you’re tired of people complaining to you, do you find yourself complaining a lot? 

Even if it’s all in your head, you have generated these occurrences. You are unknowingly radiating a signal for these types of people to come your way. Change your frequency. Don’t entertain, in this case “complaining” from yourself or anyone else. The same can be said about gossipers, one uppers, or anyone you find repelling.  You are actually repelling apart of yourself you have chosen to ignore.  Dig deep and find what ails you. Get rid of it and heal it. Or just decide to live with it in acceptance and harmony.

  You must take responsibility for the invitations you send out into the world with your thoughts and conversations.  Stop inviting negative people, situations, places or anything that does not serve your authentic self.  Stop wasting time on the irrelevant as well.  Your time Is very valuable and precious. 

  As a social worker who works with our disabled and senior population, I understand the true essence and value of time. These women and men were once healthy and strong.  Now, they are in their late seventies reminiscing on their youth and agonizing their imposing death or uselessness.

The solution is simple. Change your focus, set your intentions and the rest will follow. For example, Let’s say you have a networking event to attend. You are nervous and you do not know anyone. When you walk into the room, your first thought should be, “I will carry myself with ease and grace, I will build a strong network of brilliant minds one smile at a time.”   You have set positive intentions before entering the room. This allows you to focus on people who are radiating the same positive energy you are. Operate on a higher frequency and you will be unstoppable. This clears the haters and low-level energy people from crossing your path. Even If they do, they will remove themselves quite quickly.  

Let’s keep our vibrations high!!!

Angie Bee Love 

Loose 10 pounds in 10 days!!!! Back dated **6/29/16***

It’s possible to lose belly fat and feel good while doing it. No diets, No surgery, No gimmicks!! There’s a simple solution to your weight loss battles. So simple you have to read it twice. It’s called intermittent fasting. Intermittent fasting (IF) is not a diet but a pattern of eating. You do not have to change what you eat but when you eat. However, I would recommend not eating “junk food”. If you have to have a piece of chocolate or a glass of wine, do so in moderation. I like to just get a “taste” in my mouth, as to not completely deprive myself. So, yes you are eating what you will in moderation. The science behind this method of eating comes from the “fasted state” your body goes through while you’re sleeping.  After you’ve eaten your last meal, your body needs at least three to five hours to digest and absorb the food you have eaten. It is very hard to burn fat during this stage. The real magic starts when you are sleeping and a few hours afterwards.

Intermittent fasting can be done in a number of ways; once a week, one a month, or daily. Intermittent fasting can also be done for a twenty-four-hour period, known as the warrior diet.  As for me, the best times for my eating window are noon- to eight o’clock pm. This allows the ability to eat lunch at work and dinner with my family.  I drink only coconut water before noon and after eight o’clock. NO FOOD!! NO SODA!!!  No wine!!  On Thursdays I complete a coffee enema detox and I go a complete 24 hours (Water only!). These are what I call my “Detox Thursdays.” I understand this is not for everyone; however it’s worth a shot!! Try it out and if it doesn’t agree with you, find something different but keep seeking vitality and health.

Some of the issues you may face when intermittent fasting is breaking the habit of snacking during stress on the job and menstrual-cycle induced cravings…  Make sure to have a variety of coconut water flavors, especially if you’re fasting beyond regular lunch time hours.  I plan to make intermittent fasting apart of my daily routine. I find the benefits out way the temporary discomfort…. Make sure to do your research as well, let me know if you have any questions not covered above. I want you to be healthy, happy, & free!!!!!

MARRIAGE REDEFINED

 I need someone to complete me....

I need someone to make me whole…

I need to get married and have kids before I turn thirty….

What’s wrong with me? I’m over thirty and not married yet?

 Iyanla Vanzant breaks the surface of marriage and the power struggle within. Her perspective is fresh and thought provoking. She has been married twice. As a result, she has decided to never get married again. In a recent article found on root.com, Veronica Wells writes on Vanzant’s ideas on marriage.  While on “It’s Not You, It’s Men,” with Tyrese and Rev Run, Vanzant expresses how marriages are not equal partnerships.  When I felt an emotional response to her words, I knew I had to re-evaluate my own marriage. I was raised under a Christian foundation and married into a male dominate perspective.  This sociological foundation forced me to step out of my comfort zone in order to tackle Vanzant’s suggestion of marriage from a fresh perspective.  I believed she was on to something here….

I would like to build a foundation for her argument and from there, build my own logic behind her notion.  The dynamics of the female- male relationship are quite interesting. No matter how advanced women have become educationally and financially, society perpetuates the inaccurate ideology of a woman’s value is defined in relation to a man, through the presence of a man; her man.  You may disagree with me, but look at how society has practically crucified Halle berry’s desirability….

No need for further explanation… lets first look at how marriage is perceived from childhood into adulthood. Men are raised to conquer, provide, and pro-create. Women are raised to be home makers, nurturers, and good girls. Very basic?! Not so, these men grow up resenting marriage. It is the symbol of emasculation and the loss of prowess and desirability for men.  This leads to the ball and chain jokes or the “Yo, she (the wife) let you out to play man” antics.  As if he is in some sort of prison… when it should symbolize a progression of manhood and celebration of adulthood. No, this is not every man but it is enough men with this mentality to be addressed.  Women are married in their dreams by age four lol...  Some even know their wedding colors and all that jazz. It is every girls dream to find their night in shinning amour. (Disclaimer** I’m aware there are women who do not want to ever, nor have they ever wanted to get married or have kids, but you are few and far between ladies)

I wanted to share some of the mental psychology of men and women in the paragraph above so I can bring in Ms. Vanzant’s words of enlightenment below.

Here’s the thing, relationships are not where we go to have fun. Relationships are where we go to heal and where we go to learn. And who you’re going to attract is the person that’s going to bring to the forefront the thing you need to learn or heal or the thing that’s going to help you grow the most.

-Vanzant

We come into this world broken. This causes us to subconsciously seek out people and situations that are reflections of our broken selves. We heal ourselves one relationship at a time, we mend ourselves through the broken pieces discovered throughout the relationship. Our spirits are lacking a true pureness needed to love our mates whole-heartedly. Marriage is for two complete and whole individuals who see each other as equals in value and presence. When you see a man feeling the need to dominate a woman or a woman feeling the need to have a man to make her whole, this is a sign of spiritual infancy and more healing is needed. We have to fight against pre-determined definitions of a husband and wife to find true balance and partnership. No one is above or beneath the other in value. We are side by side. We are one.

The creation of equal partnerships in marriages require a higher level of consciousness and awareness of self.  I believe the current state of our society does not allow a true equal partnership to exist. Until we discover, heal, and repair our hearts and minds, marriage should not be an endeavor we choose to take on. But here’s the thing, so many of us are too lazy to do the “work” on ourselves as Iyanla Vanzant has done. Until then, marriage will be a shadow of what God designed it be….

A symbolic representation of God’s love for the church, his people. The guiding light and a vessel of change…

These are my thoughts…

Angie B Love

References

http://madamenoire.com/617890/iyanla-vanzant-says-she-doesnt-want-to-marry-again-because-marriages-arent-equal-partnerships/#