The Beautiful Storm: Untold truths about married life.

Have you ever experienced the sun shining while the rain was falling? Amazing right? At first you think its your senses playing a trick on you. Then you realize it’s real. A quiet calmness and enchantment embraces you. This is how marriage feels.  Marriage is a major adjustment. There is a vulnerability that comes with marriage. Many are not accustomed to the level of transparency and commitment required. Individuals are accustomed to doing things a certain way, “your way” for so long. It’s been all about you. I hear many single individuals scream, “I’m not about to get married and end up divorced, I’m good!!”

However, this type of perception has been the conception of the deception of what’s really going on with marriage. However, there are people who took the leap of faith into the unknown. Yes, it is hard work but anything of value is worth fight for, right?  I’ve been married six years on May 8^th of this year.  It has been a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, twists and turns.  If I had a choice I would do it again. I am a stronger because of it. I discovered my greatest strengths. Most of all, I have someone to share my life with… I’ve learned over the years the value of loyalty, dependability, and accountability. True partnership is everlasting.  I now understand what marriage is and not the naive fairytales I once envisioned.  Here are a few tips I’ve learned along the way.

“Stop looking for your spouse to complete you”

Yes, The “you complete me” sounds cute on V-day, but in reality, you are two whole people coming together as one to create something new. Your goal is to create a long-lasting and effective union. Leave your insecurities at the door or at least seek professional help so you don’t become a mental burden on your mate.

Financial Situations

If you were okay with his income, credit, tax issues, child support, work schedule, etc. before you decided to get married don’t give your mate the side eye later on. Work together, build, and improve your financial lives together.

Who disciplines the children?

Please remember when I tell you, one of you will be the nurturer and the other will be the disciplinarian.

Which one will you be? Make sure to have a talk about how you plan to discipline your children… (time out, etc.)

You will not like your spouse every day

Disagreements happen but agree to make up by a certain timeline. No one wants to walk around a home with negative energy floating around. The kids can feel it, the dog can feel it. Even the mail man, so get it right and fast.  You got an empire to build…

They share friends business

Married couples have pillow talk and sometimes it’s the latest issue a friend maybe having at the time. If you find yourself in this situation, make sure not to get upset when your spouse doesn’t want to be around certain people if you share some unbecoming things about your friend… I recommend keeping certain things about mutual friends to yourself. I know this is your best friend now, but save the headache!

Married people still date each other

When you’re living with your best friend, you really don’t have to get out the house all the time… Sometimes just a child-free house, a few bottles of wine, and your favorite dinner are all you need…    It’s easy on the budget as well…. Nonetheless, whether you choose to stay in or dine out, there is opportunity to recharge and renew with each other.

Sometimes married couples want to be single

Yes, then you realize when you were single, you wanted to be married. These feelings will pass eventually.

My friend, your friend, our friend

Some friends you will share as a couple. While others you will have separately. It’s okay, you won’t share everything. As long as there is respect for the union you two share (no cheater set ups), go out, have fun, and enjoy your night out with the guys/girls!!

Quickie Appointments

The struggle is real. Kids, work, obligations, etc. are taking up all your time and energy. Before you realize it, almost seven days have gone by and nothing has happened in the love making department. Sometimes you’re just too tired to get it in. I have a solution…  (Drum roll please)  “Schedule your quickies.” I know, I know… before getting married you could time your playtime like the “back of your hand” not anymore, lol lol.

The Representative is GONE!!!

 He will leave socks on the floor. You will have morning conversations while on the toilet. He will purchase your tampons. She will have morning breath and a hair bonnet. Any annoying thing you can think of will be in your face. You will be with this person 24/7. In the past, you could go to your respective homes on the weekdays and get away to each other’s place on the weekends. Three days to wow and impress and four days to rest. You get the point…

All in all, marriage is fun, exciting, and hard work. I enjoy being married; it’s like learning to riding a bike. In the beginning you’re going to fall. You may get a few bumps and bruises but one day you’re going to catch your balance. You will get the hang of it. As a child, the day you learned to ride your bike is the day you realized you can go anywhere in the world you wanted….  The same applies to your marriage!!  

Share in the comment section below how long you’ve been married and any tips you’ve learned. I want to hear from you.

Angie B Love

"My Son Is Gone Because Someone Deemed Him a Criminal and Not My Child" ***Angie B Love responds to mother of Andrew Joseph III*****

 Thank you so much for sharing your story Ms. Deanna Joseph. Your son is our son.  His death enrages me to tears as I look over at my ten year old. He is full of life and optimistic about his future. He wants to become a doctor.  I'm not so sure he will have a fair chance to achieve his dreams.  In a world that seeks to swallow him whole, I pray each and every night. I pray for God's protection in a world so cold.  I want those big, shiny eyes to remain full of hope and promise when he envisions his future. I never want his spirit to become dull, damaged or helpless from society’s mental and physical beatings. Black children are dehumanized and ostracized. "The evidence shows that perceptions of the essential nature of children can be affected by race, and for black children, this can mean they lose the protection afforded by assumed childhood innocence well before they become adults ("Black Boys Viewed as Older, Less Innocent Than Whites, Research Finds", 2014).”

 Black children are perceived as violent, inhumane, and dangerous.  Through the womb (women) and the offspring (her children), there is a calculated extermination of the black race. Although it feels like a strategic assault on the lives of black children and women, I will not live in fear for my son or daughters lives.  Ms. Joseph, I commend your strength. Through your voice and countless others, a change will come. In regards to the victimization of African American Youth, I admire your outward transformation of your pain into an evolving social consciousness. Police are supposed to protect, inspire, and guide the young; not exterminate and perpetuate cultural racism. It seems as though we have gone backwards, as if we’ve traveled back in time; before Martin Luther King JR., before the fall of Jim Crow or the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation in 1863. Except, this time, it’s not overt but covert, hidden in plain sight. Do you feel the police force has become more like the new day Klu Klux Klan? Please weigh in down below….

Angie B Love 

References

1.      Black Boys Viewed as Older, Less Innocent Than Whites, Research Finds. (March 6). Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2014/03/black-boys-older.aspx

2.      Gabrielson, R., Grochowski, R., & Sagara, E. (2014, October 10). Deadly force, in black and white. Retrieved from http://www.propublica.org/article/deadly-force-in-black-and-white

Please read the full article by following the link below.

                                                                                                            

Article Link:

 http://www.theroot.com/articles/news/2016/02/police_kill_unarmed_black_man_in_texas_say_they_mistook_cellphone_for_gun.html?wpisrc=newsletter_jcr:content%26

Andrew Joseph III 

COURTESY OF DEANNA JOSEPH

Why some people have given up on church?

I was raised in the church. I went to church practically every day for some reason or another as a child. Skirt-wearing (No pants allowed)in the winter time, donuts selling on nice summer Saturday’s kind of church going gal…  Sunday school, Sunday worship, Sunday evening services was my life. I believe my grandmother knew she had to keep me preoccupied.  What better way to keep a young girl out the street than introducing her to God.  That was my life, until I became an adult. I was able to make decisions for myself. Guess what, your girl went on a church-cation. Yep, you heard me and my made up word.  A vacation from church, but how can you go on vacation from God lol…

 I was so upset with how the church dynamic operated and it was across the board to me. Nowhere felt safe for my spiritual rest and elevation at the time. I was a young mother of one, searching for acceptance while trying to pursue educational advancement.....
 I am now on a quest to build and maintain a relationship with Christ. I am a wife, mother, etc. now and I have to become grounded for my children.  In order to do so, I had to remember that Christ loves the church. We are the church, Gods people.  I love Christ, so in turn; I must love what he loves. No matter how you feel about the church, Christ commands us to never fail to assemble ourselves together.  ( Hebrew 10:25  {NIV} Not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.)

 Here is the thing…  Christ commands us to encourage (love) each other…   did we forget this integral part of his instructions?

There is a religious (self-righteous) type of church goer that has strangled the life out of Infants in Christ. Babies in Christ are considered green, fresh, and new to the walk…   “Religious individuals” approach these individuals with criticism instead of guidance. These are the people who feel they are “more’ saved than you. They are at every service, every event, and meeting in efforts to keep the judgment-gossip wheel going.   God is love and this is not love...  Sometimes seasoned individuals forget their place; which is to love, cover and guide.  They become the opposite of what God commands.  It is our duty to bring new souls to Christ and allow him to clean them up and renew their minds. Your whispers, stares, and alienation will not help.  Nope, not one bit. It hurts my heart to hear people tell me they do not “Do church.”   The church can do so much for the community and world as a whole, only  if we can come together and operate as one. One body in Christ.
Have you had an experience with a "religious" type of person and how did you handle it?
I want to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

Concerned and bewildered

your sister gal,

Angie B love

I fell in love….

I fell in love….

I always wondered what this kind of love felt like. I never understood how someone could have a love affair so strong with a man they’ve never met. It seemed beyond my understanding. My educated mind felt inadequate, sometimes rationalizing my shortcomings by telling myself, “The ones who loved this man so radically must be insane and careless in their pursuit for his face.”

“How could he allow so much pain and suffering in our lives if he loved us” or “If he loved me so much, life wouldn’t be so hard.” Until one day, his hand touch mine, my soul quivered and a warm embrace filled me with love and understanding. His pureness engulfed my undeserving heart. He gave me another chance.  Now, I do things not because it’s the right thing to do but because it pleases him.  He has set me aside, his daughter, and placed me in the fire to make me over in his image. I accept my cross daily in my walk with him. I know without doubt or fear he carried me through the darkest hours of my life.  He has been here all along, waiting, watching, protecting his daughter.  I asked for a personal relationship with this man named Jesus a long time ago…

Now I know him for myself and I’m proud to tell the world “I’m in love with a man named, Jesus!! He is my everything and I’m his everything.”

Allow him to come into your heart. He will change your world. You can’t change yourself.  He loves you just the way you are.  Come to him and allow your father to work in you and through you. Jesus will strengthen you and make you whole. Do not allow judgmental, critical, and religious people to keep you away from his love, not even “YOU” yes, you!
Comment below and share your first time with Christ...

I Love you,

May God bless and keep you until we meet here again,

Angie B Love

Superwoman needs saving sometimes too…

 She's on a mission to save the world. She's got a apron, briefcase, heels, PTA meeting and a sippy cup for baby Junior all in one; she's doing it all.....

But doing it "all" at what cost?..
Some say she’s moody, mean, B%$&hy, or just has a bad attitude, in reality she is tired, worn, and crying in the inside for a little “me” time… 

Women have so many duties, obligations, and responsibilities in their lives. Women are rarely found relaxing and just " being". She is constantly on the go and "doing". Women across America are reaching their limitations and do not know how to ask for help in fear of appearing inadequate.  A dominant need to please and nurture is the staple of womanhood.   As a result, women place themselves last after husband, children, community, employer, etc.  God forbid she takes a personal day, she feels guilty and the underlying theme is “They need me, maybe I can just ask for half a day", or "I shouldn’t ask my husband to help with the kids", I should get them dressed, fix the formula, iron, sign the permission slips, pay the bills online, and the list goes on…..  Above all, you don’t have to be happy, carefree all the time. It’s okay to acknowledge uncomfortable feelings, but discover why you feel this way, fix it, and keep pushing….

You see, the common theme here is, “You can’t fathom someone else completing a daily task you normally would complete in no time and all at the same time." ( The woman’s gift and curse; to multi-task)  Nonetheless, this is the problem. You’re setting yourself up for everyone around you to treat you like superwoman. So therefore, when the time finally comes for you to reach out for help, others assume you got it together.  However, No worries we can get everyone up to speed. Let’s  introduce them to the human  behind the superhuman you’ve presented to the world all these years. 

Here are a few ways to get the help you need...

Your Mate

Allow your husband/partner to help around the house.  Let him know you need him. Men love feeling needed… Allow him to do whatever it is you have asked him to do in his own way… Not “YOUR “way.

Family/Friends

You’re still a fantastic mother if you send your children to spend time with Grandma, grandpa, aunt, Uncle, god mama you name it… If they are offering to help, accept it. (Questionable individual’s get a no ma’am) Catch up on some sleep, take a long hot bath, or do something you haven’t done in a long time… you work hard and deserve a break.

Children

 Your mini me’s can be a big help around the house when it comes to completing chores. My ten year old son loves helping take out the trash and doing the dishes. This allows time to focus on my four year old daughter and eleven month old niece (daughter).  I get more accomplished after I get home from work and everyone wins.

We are not superhuman; we are “extra”-ordinary.  We make others believe we are superhuman because of a quiet strength we exude and the earth shattering power we generate. We appear invincible. Nonetheless, it is our responsibility to allow others to witness our vulnerability, transparency, and dependence at times to ensure we remain spiritually, physically, and mentally whole.

Until next time,

Love, peace and blessings  to you my sistah!!

Angie Bee Love

Repeating Numbers 333,444,999 & What It Means To Me

Can Self-Help books cause more harm than good?

One evening, while my husband and I were relaxing over a few good reads, an interesting epiphany occurred.   As we sat on our comfortable sofa’s, reading, and sipping on a few glasses of wine he turned to me and asked…  “Angela, when are you going to start applying what you read to your life? I looked back at him quite puzzled.  What do you mean? I do! He looked back up at me from his book and responded… “Oh really”?  He looked over to my book shelf filled with books and responded. “All these books here on our book shelf you have read. Some of these books go back to the time we first met (9 years ago). Yet, you are still faced with the same issues. I was amazed and offended all at once.  How dare you tell me what I’m not doing...?  I retorted in my head. I exhaled and dived back into my book.  I was reading Steve Harvey’s Act like a Success; think like a Success at the time. I placed my book beside me. My mind began to race. My husband was on to something.  I am by no means condemning the self-help industry. I have read Joyce Meyers, Joel Osteen, TD Jakes and The Secret. Let’s not forget the BIBLE… However, for self-help addicts, I include myself as well; constant reading and no application of the principles written can turn into a form of procrastination.   Most times we find ourselves in this loop hole of constantly reading. We know what needs to be done. Nonetheless, we never get around to making the necessary changes  to make our lives better.  Oftentimes after reading my self-help book of choice, my high (motivation) dwindles away and I’ve reverted back to my bad habits. Bad habits do die hard.  I have realized until I truly dedicate to change, remove my pride and ego from the equation and ultimately maintain structure through daily action, nothing will change.  So, I hereby declare today as   “Action” time…  Well, as a lover of the arts lets more accurately say, “Lights, Camera, Action” in our lives and never go back to the balcony again!!

Thanks for your time!!

Until next time Be safe and Prosper!!!

Angie B